Defense Mechanisms: Retraining the Mind’s “Guard Dogs”
Psychological defense mechanisms take a pretty bad wrap. The reality is that most of our defensive habits legitimately helped us survive at some point in our lives, often in our younger years. Children who experience abuse or neglect have few resources to deal with such intense negative experiences. They do, however, instinctively adapt as best they can to protect themselves from their distressing circumstances. Over time these adaptations become habituated and are eventually labeled as defense mechanisms.
The problem is not what our defense mechanisms are trying to do. After all, they’re working hard to protect us just as they did when we first needed them. The problem is that these survival strategies are based on outdated information and using outdated methods that now do more harm than good.
In this way, psychological defense mechanisms are like loyal guard dogs that showed up when we most needed them. Their sole desire is to protect us from harm they believe remains imminent, even if the danger actually passed long ago. Moreover, they believe we are still the same vulnerable children they rescued years ago that had none of the resources we now have as adults.
We might have several of these over-zealous guard dogs ready to jump in and protect us from perceived dangers like helplessness, hopelessness, abandonment, betrayal, and much more. Here are some examples:
Hypervigilance may seek to protect us from life-threatening harm by keeping us on high alert and compelling us to avoid even the possibility of risk.
Dissociation may seek to protect us by detaching or distancing our minds from emotional flooding and overwhelming distress.
Denial may seek to protect us from intolerably distressing experiences by compartmentalizing and concealing them.
Emotional restriction may seek to protect us from unsafe vulnerability or relational uncertainty by limiting our emotional expressivity.
Tantrums may seek to protect us from unbearable neglect or powerlessness by forcing attention and response from others.
Helplessness may seek to protect us from criticism and punishment by avoiding power and responsibility.
Self-blame may seek to protect us from feeling helpless by blaming us for things we've suffered, implying responsibility and power.
Hopelessness that dismisses or denies our felt needs may seek to protect us from the gut-punch of hope-disappointed.
Shame may seek to protect us from intolerable rejection and abandonment by forbidding the acknowledgement of imperfection, weakness, or need. Yes, even shame is trying to protect us despite its destructive impact.
There are certain types of childhood trauma that call more surprising “guard dogs” into being. Sexual abuse, for example, often leads to hyper-sexual behavior, trauma reenactments, and other compulsive reactions that emerge or persist in adulthood. While these lesser known responses to sexual violence can lead to further harm as well as feelings of shame and self-criticism, they too are trying to protect their owner.
The guard-dog of hyper-sexuality may seek to protect a survivor from emotional-relational isolation by pursuing the only version of emotional intimacy or intensity it knows. This might look like hyper-sexual relationships or hyper-sexuality in the form of pornography use.
The guard-dog of trauma-reenactment may seek to protect a survivor from the overwhelming helplessness associated with their traumatic memories by recreating those experiences in the hopes of changing their outcome.
The guard-dog of physical self-disgust may seek to protect a survivor from sexual danger or the danger of physical criticism by prohibiting physical confidence and vulnerability. It’s worth noting that this doesn’t necessarily preclude hyper-sexual behavior in that self-disgust can cause a survivor to view their body as merely a “disgusting-yet-effective” tool for manipulating others.
It can be tempting to see our defense mechanisms as enemies when we realize how much harm they’re causing. I’ve seen many clients quickly adopt an aggressive and hostile attitude toward these unwanted feelings, impulses, and behaviors. But there are problems to this approach and more effective ways to call our dogs off.
Remember that, however harmful our psychological defenses may be now, there was probably a time in our past when they helped us survive. They really are “good dogs”. They just don’t realize that the danger has passed and that we now have better protective resources. In other words, they need to be retrained not hated or condemned.
Our psychological defenses are like so many other parts of the mind in that they’re more receptive to redirection and change when they are first understood and validated. There are a variety of ways to do this with our defensive parts or “guard dogs”. Here’s one:
Start by making a short list of your primary defensive habits. It might be helpful to do an internet search on the various types of psychological defense mechanisms. (There are far more than I’ve listed here.)
Identify what each of those are trying to protect you from. Try to recall a time when they may have helped you survive. Imagine them as loyal guard dogs and give each a name.
Now visualize each of these “good dogs” sitting in front of you, looking to you - the one they’ve always tried to protect. Speak to them by name, thanking them for how they helped you in the past and explaining why they don’t need to keep doing what they did. For example, you might tell “Stone-waller” that you’re grateful for how he protected you from the pain of your childhood by limiting your emotional awareness. Then explain to him that you’re no longer a child and have better relationships where it’s safe to be emotionally open.
Practice recognizing when your defensive reactions rise up and remind them that you really are okay and they can relax.
It’s important to remember that, whatever trauma you’ve survived and whatever your survival defenses may be, there is always hope. All trauma, including childhood sexual trauma, is highly treatable. We are not broken but we might be injured and have a few “guard dogs” that aren’t as helpful as they used to be. Fortunately we have the ability to relearn and recover. Speaking to a trained trauma counselor might be a helpful step. Be brave and reach out. You’re worth it.
